Valour or veneer

I just returned home from a gathering of women from my church, despite the fact that I didn't want to go. I'm not in need of female company, though I acknowledge that many are. My reasons for not wanting to go were all very selfish and I don't need to elaborate. There were two reasons I went:

1. The speaker (Melinda Cousins - she intrigues me)

2. The passage (Proverbs 31 - also intrigues me)

One day I might be able to update this post with a link to a blog post from Melinda herself [Here we go! Happy IWD!]. In the meantime, I am sharing a couple of points that drilled in through my weary shell and made way for some Spirit teaching.

Maybe she's not who we think she is

The Proverbs 31 woman is often held up as a measuring stick for female perfection. That stick can become a rod to whack ourselves with when we're busy comparing ourselves and our situations to others. It's rare for a passage to focus on the value of a woman (specific or generic). Therefore, it attracts a kind of intensity when read by women, or by men about women.

I do not fit the measurements of the said specific woman. I'm not married, have no children, am not in charge of a household of domestic servants, though I have bought a parcel of land, and I do pray for its fruitfulness.

My culture has taken this passage and hoisted Mrs Amazing onto a pedestal, wrapped her in fine linen and purple and added a veneer of some kind of soft shiny substance which would not stand up to either domestic life or the buffeting of our fallen world.

eshet chayil

Melinda explained that English translations for the introduction to this woman fall short. Sometimes 'excellent wife', sometimes 'wife of noble character', the Hebrew uses a word which appears elsewhere in masculine contexts as 'strong' or 'having valour' or 'valiant'. It is apparently used by Jewish women to encourage each other - like a 'you go girl'. It's not a word that means something completely different in a different gender context.

She also explained that the English tense used in the passage is usually ongoing: "Her lamp does not go out at night...."; whereas the Hebrew is a completed tense: "Her lamp did not go out at night....". The change is subtle but turns the phrases from benchmarks to general observations. The passage could read more like a eulogy for a beloved example, rather than as a current comparison.

The altered perspective that came with this was striking. There is something in my psyche which is energised by inspiration, but hides from comparison. Wouldn't it be ironic if this is a gender trait? To hide from competitiveness, to back away from the goal of living as this woman lives because it's all too hard, too unrealistic. If only my sisters and I could be inspired by her life and encouraged by it.

I have heard other teaching on this passage claim that it is a picture of God's own character - and that could well be true! I love that God's Word often carries meaning at multiple levels. Let us not shrug off the purpose of this passage for women with feet of clay, just because it's all too hard to attain her godly standard.

God values women

Another element to this passage is that it demonstrates that God does value women, but this is not the only part of His Word where He tells us this. It's possible to carve up the Bible into "women's verses" and "the rest" [= men's verses], but that misses the point of how we express His image. Moreover, His value goes beyond anything our cultures can contrive:

...for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart. (1 Samuel 16:7 NASB)

God has never told me I'm ugly. The only conversation we've ever had about my weight is that I could be healthier and take better care of my shell. Since the temple veil was torn, I can stand in His presence and not fear any taboos around menstruation. The function of my person is not limited to my body, and the function of my body is not to provide sexual pleasure to a stranger. I can also experience the sweetness of His restoring mercy and grace after failing at keeping any number of commandments or niceties. Yet the negative twists of these messages I and 3.5 billion other women hear (and believe) every day.

We often remind ourselves that God loves us, but I wonder if the truth of it isn't sometimes lost in repetition. God wants to be in relationship with us, but not in the way characters in a sitcom drop into each other's apartments. He adores us, but not in the way the romantic hero gazes just before he kisses the heroine. God's acknowledgment of our value comes from Him having created us, set our bodies into being, and called us for a purpose.

I'm grateful for the coaxing to leave my home tonight, to enter into the gathering and to hear Melinda speak ideas from God's heart to mine. I hope I can be as effective in encouraging other women in my life to look at Proverbs 31 and see past the energetic perfection to the valiant inspiration.

Photo by Florence Gray on Unsplash